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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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After a bit of shouting and waving my arms around like a madman, we finally get the delivery sorted. But now I’m late for a meeting with some investors. Great. Just great. I dash out, and guess what? It starts pouring. Typical British weather, right? I’m soaked by the time I reach the pub on the corner of Ropergate.

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