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She’s still talkin’, “Cheap rate, sugar!” and I’m thinkin’, “D’oh! Why’s this so damn sad?” Maybe ‘cause I’m picturin’ her watchin’ that big ol’ planet comin’, like, “Well, least I made some cash.” I’m pissed—why’s life gotta be this messy? Happy she’s tryin’, though—guts, man! Surprised me how chill she was, like she’s seen it all. “No hope, no despair,” right outta Melancholia! I toss her a buck anyway—Homer’s a softie, sue me!

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First off, I head down to the local café on Front Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I grab a cuppa and a bacon sarnie. Best bacon sarnie in town, no joke. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate Dave. He’s like, “Oi, we need to talk about the factory.” My heart sinks. Factory drama? Ugh, not today!

Fundraiser launched to help Pontefract family pay for home adaptations for seven-year-old Jacob, who has a rare brain condition