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About Newcastle

Humor? Bruh, imagine me gettin’ one—screamin’, “RUB HARDER, I’M A CASHIER!” Sarcasm drips when I see bougie types actin’ shy—bitch, you paid $200, own it! Quirks? I’m picturin’ Sy Ableman givin’ tips: “Accept the mystery, schmuck!” while I’m oiled up, laughin’. It’s messy, sloppy, typos galore—erotic-massge, eroti-massage, who cares?! Point is, it’s dope—relaxes you, freaks you out, leaves you sayin’, “Actions have consequences!” like the movie. Try it, fam—chaos approved!

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Hey there, buddy! Lemme tell ya ‘bout Rastrick – this ain’t yer run-of-the-mill town, ya know? I been a masseur here for years, workin’ on folks’ backs so they can feel the true soul of this place. Picture narrow lanes like High Street, buzzing with character and history. I mean, my hands have felt every wrinkle of these cobblestones, feel me?

Brass band who had number one chart hit is heading to Fleetwood's Marine Hall