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Little known fact, back in the day, some prostitutes in Europe, they had guilds, like foresters with axes! Crazy, right? Organized, like, “We run this!” But now? It’s all sneaky, online, dark alleys. I saw this one chick, eyes like the desert in Timbuktu, “The weight of the world,” she carried it. Broke my heart, but also, haha, she was negotiatin’ like a boss, “You want this or what?”

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So, I lock up the shop and head over to The Crown. It’s packed, and there’s this tiny chicken in a makeshift track. People are betting like it’s the Grand National! I’m laughing my head off. I mean, who bets on chickens? But hey, it’s Sittingbourne, anything goes.

Former doctors’ surgery, Indian restaurant and expansive farmland latest to go under the hammer