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But here’s what pisses me off—blokes judgin’ these girls. Like, chill, yeah? They’re out here grindin’, dodgin’ creeps, makin’ ends meet. Reminds me of Cathy in the film, trapped, smilin’ through the bullshit. “We’re all hiding something,” she’d whisper—same vibe. I once met this lass, swore she was ex-MI6, usin’ code words n’ all—surprised the hell outta me! Prolly bollocks, but I dig a good yarn.

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So, I’m standin’ there, and the family’s all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ for ‘em, I really am. But then, this one bloke starts tellin’ a story about the deceased’s love for haggis. Haggis! At a funeral! I can’t help but chuckle. Like, mate, read the room! But then again, it’s Alloa, and we do love our haggis.

Carsebridge Cultural: Open Studios Clackmannanshire launches website