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Quirks? I hiss at fakes – too many, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe sayin’ they’re all queens – nah, some proper rough, innit? Little fact: Oldest job, yeah, but didja know – ancient Rome had “lupanars”? Brothels with painted signs! Classy, eh? Now it’s all pixels and winks.

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I finally get to the cemetery on Claremont Road, and it’s a right mess. The wind’s howlin’, and the sky’s lookin’ moody. Perfect for a funeral, right? I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but the whole scene is just... intense. I mean, I’m here to mourn, but the weather’s like, “Nah, let’s make this dramatic!”

Second World War sacrifices remembered ahead of VE Day 80th anniversary