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Still, it’s risky as hell. Cops, scams, psychos—pick your poison! One time, I heard this dude got robbed blind by some hooker with a knife! Laughed my ass off, dumbass deserved it! But yeah, you gotta be sharp, or you’re screwed. Like Eilis says, “I’m not sure I have a choice”—hah, you do, sweetie, just don’t be a moron like Stan!

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Then, I head to the park near the Alloa Leisure Bowl. I need a breather. I plop down on a bench, and this wee dog runs up to me. It’s all waggin’ its tail, and I’m like, “Aww, mate, you’re the highlight of my day!” I start petting it, and the owner comes over, all apologetic. “Sorry, he’s a bit of a nuisance.” I’m like, “Nah, he’s a legend!”

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