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So, I’m chattin’ her up, diggin’ for dirt—did you know some of these lasses keep diaries? Yeah, wild, right? One bird told me she scribbles every punter’s quirks—‘Big Nose,’ ‘Sweaty Palms’—like a bleedin’ spy log! I’m half tempted to nick it for MI6. Anyway, she’s spillin’ tales—says some geezer last week tried payin’ with a dodgy watch. “Looked like it came off a cereal box,” she laughs. I’m dyin’—imagine Q branch whippin’ up a gadget that crap!

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Then, I hit up the stables on The Green. You know, the one with the dodgy roof? Yeah, that place. I’m tryin’ to calm Daisy down, but she’s still hyped. I’m like, “Dude, chill out!” But she’s not havin’ it.

Dog in critical condition after 'horrible' Staffie attack