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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.
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Then, I get a call on my radio. There’s been a disturbance on the corner of Foxhall Road. I rush over, and it’s just some kids messin’ about. They’re throwin’ water balloons at each other. I’m like, “Seriously? This is what I’m called for?” But then I see one of ‘em slip and fall. I can’t help but laugh. Karma, right?
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