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Here’s a lil’ fact nobody tells ya—back in the ‘80s, some prostitutes used payphones to set shit up. No cell phones, just coins and codes, wild as fuck! I’m thinkin’, man, imagine me droppin’ quarters, yellin’, “Hurry the fuck up!” Makes me laugh, ‘cause today it’s all texts and apps—shit’s evolved, yo. Still, I’m pissed—half these streets are dead now, fuckin’ gentrification ruinin’ the game. Where’s a motherfucker s’posed to look?

Armed gang raids convenience store in Fetcham

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The Plough is packed, right? I’m talkin’ shoulder to shoulder. I grab a pint of local ale, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feelin’ good, laughin’ with the lads, when suddenly, this old lady starts dancin’ on a table. I’m like, “What the actual heck?” But she’s got moves! Everyone’s cheerin’ her on. Fetcham’s got talent, I tell ya.

'Mini tornado' brings down trees in Epsom