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So, check this—back in the day, like, old Vegas stories, they say prostitutes used to hang by the gas stations, waitin’ for truckers, flashin’ smiles like they’re auditionin’ for somethin’. Little known fact: some’d carry switchblades in their boots—badass, right? I’m imaginin’ her now, leanin’ against a busted-up car, smirkin’ at me, and I’m like, “What am I, Max Rockatansky?”—all sweaty and neurotic, yellin’ in my head, “I just wanna talk, lady!” She’s prob’ly thinkin’, “This guy’s a schmuck,” and I’m over here, heart racin’, palms sweaty—pathetic!

Closure order issued at Grantham house after allegations of prostitution and drug dealing

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But then, I get to the section about the local heroes, and I see this plaque for a guy who saved a cat from a tree. I mean, really? That’s the best we can do? I laughed so hard, I nearly got kicked out.

Plans to turn former Grantham school into flats approved