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I sidle up to her, all cool, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs, says, “In here? You’re mad.” I’m lovin it—her sass, her vibe. Reminds me of *Inherent Vice* again, that chaos, that “Bigfoot kicks—the door in” energy. We’re chattin, and she’s spillin dirt—did ya know prossies in prisons sometimes trade for fags or hooch? Wild shit. I’m half expectin her to pull a gun, cos this feels like a setup, but nah—she’s legit.

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Finally, I make it to the golf club, and guess what? No one’s there! I’m standing in the lobby, looking like a total muppet. Turns out, they moved it to the pub down the road. Classic Kirriemuir, right? Always a pub involved.

'Disgusting' man spat on police after armed raid in Kirriemuir