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About Newcastle

Angry? Oh, me blood boils! Hypocrites, all prim on telly, then this! Happy? Nah, but cacklin’—stupid, fat hobbit! Gets nabbed, cryin’— “I didn’t know, swear!” Surprised me once, this rugby fella. Paid her in protein shakes—true story! Mental, eh? Me quirks kick in—imaginin’ him sprintin’ from coppers. “Run, run, or we’ll be late!” Like Bigelow’s SEALs, but dumber.

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Then, I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always up to something. Today, he’s got this crazy idea to start a “Monkhams Walking Tour.” I’m like, “Really? Who’s gonna pay for that?” But he’s all hyped, talking about the history of the old church on Church Lane. I mean, it’s cool and all, but c’mon, who cares?

Buckhurst Hill pub reopens to punters after six-figure revamp completes expansion