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Now, don’t get me wrong—I ain’t judgin’. Takes guts to do what they do! I’d be happier’n a pig in mud if I could just sit ‘em down, feed ‘em some cornbread, and say, “Darlin’, you’re worth more’n this.” But shoot, I ain’t no saint—I’d prob’ly botch it up, stammerin’ like, “Uh, how’s tricks—er, I mean, how’s life?” Real smooth, Dolly, real smooth.

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After that, I head over to the local market on Marischal Street. It’s packed! I’m dodgin’ folks left and right, tryin’ to keep my pigs from makin’ a mess. You know how it is. I spot this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to haggle for some turnips. She’s got more fire than a bonfire night! “I’m not payin’ a penny over a pound!” she yells. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just turnips!” But hey, you do you, right?

Clyde v Peterhead