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I try app, “EscortFinder,” very modern! Profile say, “Lola, 25, curvy,” but photo blurry, sus! Meet her, she 40, smell like cabbage, not very nice! I mad, “Why you lie, Lola?” She shrug, “Business, baby!” I laugh, coz Jep say, “We’re all on brink of despair!” True, Lola, true! Fun fact – in Italy, prostitutes dodge tax, call it “private dance,” sneaky bastards!

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After that, I head over to the local market on Marischal Street. It’s packed! I’m dodgin’ folks left and right, tryin’ to keep my pigs from makin’ a mess. You know how it is. I spot this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to haggle for some turnips. She’s got more fire than a bonfire night! “I’m not payin’ a penny over a pound!” she yells. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just turnips!” But hey, you do you, right?

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