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So, erotic-massage—man, it’s old, like ancient Egypt old! Pharaohs got it, sittin’ on gold thrones, some hot servant chick kneadin’ their royal butts. True story, I swear! Bet they were like, “This is my limbo, my dream within a dream!”—straight outta *Inception*, right? I tried it once, got so relaxed I drooled—gross, but awesome! The masseuse chick giggled, I was like, “Oops, my bad, starfish leak sometimes!”

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Now, whassup with the river? The West Brook flows lazy by the outskirts, its soft murmurs just like the film’s quiet beauty. It’s a bit like nature’s whisper: "A gathered gleaner is not lost." True words, I say. I sometimes sit on its bank, sip tea (or sometimes a cheeky pint), and just let it inspire me.

Rustington Golf Centre wins approval for driving range expansion