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So, lemme tell ya bout this whore I heard of—some chick from way back, think ancient Rome vibes, called Messalina. Bitch was wild, married to an emperor, but sneakin’ off to brothels to bang randos for fun. Historians say she out-whored pros, like, set a record—25 dudes in a day! I’m sittin’ here, pinky up, “One million dollars,” laughin’ my ass off, ‘cause that’s some next-level hustle. Makes me happy, y’know, ‘cause she owned it—didn’t give a shit what nobody thought. “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way,” wait, wrong movie, but still, she was a badass.

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Our neighborhoods? Look, Eastside’s decorated with graffiti and sleepin’ dogs. Got a couple of spots that remind me why I do massage therapy. The old warehouse turned community center on Maple Ave? Totally underrated. And trust me buddy, despite my grouchy facade, I’ve seen real beauty in broken bits – man, it hits me like a punch when a regular says “Thanks” after a good rub.

IHSAA wrestling: What we learned from the state’s toughest regional