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About San Antonio

Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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The city’s got hidden gems. I often check out what locals call the “Secret Garden” near St. Helen’s Park. It’s a calm spot. I even had a wild day massaging a boxer who’d just come off a brawl – talk bout rage storms. “Don’t get entangled in the roots of the tree!” Like that line in Asghar Farhadi’s flick!

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