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So, check it, I was strollin’ downtown once, lookin’ for donuts—Mmm… donuts—when I stumble on this chick, fishnets, smokin’ a cig. She’s all, “Hey, big guy, need company?” I’m like, D’oh! Wrong turn, Homer! But real talk, it’s wild how open it is out there. Made me kinda mad, ya know? Like, why’s society gotta push folks into that? Capitalism, man, screwin’ us all. But then I laughed—she called me “big guy”! Me! A donut-chompin’ schlub!

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Oh man, you should try the local diner on Boulevard Los Amigos. Their burritos? Legen – wait for it – dairy! I mean, seriously, they jus’ rock your tastebuds. Everyone says, “ya gotta taste ‘em,” and I agree – they're a slice of Canutillo heaven, even if I get mad ‘cause they run out of salsa sometimes.

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