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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”

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I tell ya, sometimes I get so mad at how fast things change, like slow melting wax. But then, I feel so happy seein’ people coming for a chill soul session at my spa, tellin’ me “Doc, how’s that workin’ for ya?” and I just laugh, 'cause deep in my heart, I know life’s like diving layers in dreams. Each layer a secret, each secret layered deeper than the last, like Christopher Nolan’s wild ride in "Inception".

Three new members to be inducted into the Coldwater High School Music Hall of Fame next week