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Oh, and—little secret—some oligarchs hire ‘em for insane parties, like 50 girls at once, caviar and all. Heard it from a drunk client—dude swore he saw Putin there, wink-wink. Bullshit, probly, but funny as hell! “My precious!” I screech, lovin’ the madness of it all. Beats sittin’ in an office, countin’ death rates, y’know? Hiss! What’s your take, mate—crazy enough for ya?

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I gotta share a fun fact: Denison’s annual “Whispers in the Wind” fest takes place right by the creek—it’s like a love fest and a music fest collided. It makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I snort. I swear, one time a couple knotted up in the slow dance, a perfect silly moment that made my heart do flip-flops. Crazy, right?

2025 Student Commencement Speaker: Jess Cohen ’25