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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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I gotta say, sometimes I get mad ‘cause other spots, like lil’ back alleys n parks, shouldn’t be left unexplored. Take Dad’s Park, or no wait – Elmwood Park. Crazy chill, that! I even got this secret spot near LaGrange Rd, where I like to meditate after a long, banging day’s work. Kinda like the way that movie whispers "Let the right one in" in the twilight. So poetic innit?

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