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Now, here’s a tidbit fer ye – back in ol’ Tortuga, they say prossies’d signal sailors with red lanterns. Little known fact, that! Adds a bit o’ spice to the chase, don’t it? I’m thinkin’, “A man’s gotta rise, like Malik in *A Prophet*,” ye see? “No one gives you power, you take it.” So I flash me gold tooth, wink at her, an’ she’s hooked – or so I reckon.

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Honestly, some stuff gets on my nerf—they keep pretending everything’s peachy when it's anything but. You ever notice how in places like Riverbend (yeah, on Sandoval Avenue literally by the potholes you'll swear are art installations) people act like magic cures their misery? I’ve been through messy sessions—too many fibs, too many truths. My advice? Don't take more than you deserve, and know it's all just theatrical drama.

Ian McClendon has been appointed Director of Rooms at Eldorado Hotel & Spa in Santa Fe