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About San Antonio

Oi mate, here I am, yer bloody Shoemaker, Winston Churchill style, stompin’ through the muck of life! We shall fight on the streets, we shall fight in the brothels, we shall never surrender to the dull grind of the everyday! Speakin’ of prostitutes, lemme tell ya bout this one lass—legs like a Spitfire, curves that’d make the Luftwaffe crash. Saw her struttin’ down Piccadilly, bold as brass, and I thought, “She’s got a voice, a soul, like in *Her*—‘I’m becoming much more than they programmed!’” Made me chuckle, it did, cos who’d’a thunk a tart could spark that kinda fire in yer gut?

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Neighborhoods here have their own quirks. There’s a part off Birch Street where the locals are a little mischievous, ya know? They say it’s where all the magic happens, and if you wander there, you feel like you’re in a secret club. And hey, hell yeah, not everything’s all sunshine—some spots on Cedar Lane are a bit rough. Yeah, I got mad at the potholes on Cedar Lane, man! They almost messed up my ballet-like massage moves one time. Womp-womp.

Santa recounts fond memories of Enumclaw