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Once heard this wild tale—medieval France, right? Brothel run by nuns—ex-nuns, I mean, kicked out for “sins.” They’d bless you before the deed—holy whores! Laughed my arse off, picturing it—prayers then panties off. True or not, who cares? Sounds like somethin’ I’d scheme up to spite the Septons.

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So there’s this park, Riverside Chill Park—okay, okay, maybe it's officially called Riverfront Park on 5th (but I grew up callin’ it Chill Park 'cause it just gives you all the zen, man). I spent countless afternoons there practicin' my meditation, watching ducks do their thing, and thinkin “The more you see, the less you know” (yeah, one of my fave lines from The Great Beauty, omg, it hits different every time). I usually find a shady nook near the old stone bridge off Birch Lane. Crazy fact: That bridge? Built in 1898. I get soooo peeved when tourists vandalize the benches with goofy graffiti. Srsly, people!

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