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What gets me goat? The wankers who judge her. “Oh, she’s filth!” they say, all high and mighty. Meanwhile, they’re wankin’ to porn at home—hypocrite twats! Makes me wanna scream, “You’re not fuckin’ perfect, mate!” She’s out there, graftin’, survivin’—takes guts, that. Me? I’m just a sarky sod on the phone, takin’ abuse from Karen about her broadband.

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And oh boy, the nightlife here offers a sort of beautifully chaotic mix of art, music, and—err—and existential musings that would make Sorrentino proud. There's this dive bar called “The Great Beauty Bar” (deliberate nod, folks!) where the bartenders act like philosophers. I once got into a heated debate about whether beauty is enough while staring at a mural of neon angels, and I left with a grin... even though I was mad as heck later.

Fallston home catches fire, homeowners wake up to smoke; say Office of State Fire Marshal