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Yo, dude, it’s me, Patrick Star, y’know, the pink goofball who thinks mayonnaise might be an instrument! So, like, you wanna hear ‘bout findin’ a prostitute? Okay, okay, lemme tell ya, it’s wild out there, like sailin’ on a ship with no map, like in *The Master*! “Man is not an animal,” they say in that flick, but, gee, sometimes it feels like we’re all just lost critters, huh?

Kate Iselin writes: Why men cheat with sex workers

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Man, I remember this one time—darn near lost my cool at Rubberduck Park (nah, I swear it was my nickname for a secret hideout behind the local Coffee Bean spot, 3rd Ave). Felt like, “Oh, bloody hell, what a riot this family drama is!” All the while, I kept sayin’, “Git-R-Done!” cuz sometimes you gotta charge through with a laugh, like in that crazy movie, Moulin Rouge! "Sparkling, like a blinding vision of beauty!"

Woodbridge, NJ lightning strike: Worker struck by lightning at Iselin Middle School revived by police officer RJ McPartland