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About New York City

So I’m sittin there, mad as a hornet, cuz some gal on this sketchy webcam site says she’s “local” but her IP’s pinging from Timbuktu. Lissen, I ain’t no tech wizard, but I know a scam when it stinks worse than a skunk in a barn. Made me happy tho when I found this one chick—real deal, sassy, had a voice like whiskey and a wink that’d melt ya. Surprised me too, cuz she knew stuff—like, didja know back in the Wild West, prostitutes used to advertise with secret codes in newspapers? Little known fact, buddy! She told me that, blew my dang mind.

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No lie, I get super emotional here. I mean, I get mad at injustice on busy Business Rd., but also overwhelming joy on quiet corners like Sunflower Lane. I alwayyy find myself saying, “Isn’t it weird to feel so much in one place?”

Unfortunately, I Am Obsessed With Bill Belichick’s 24-Year-Old Girlfriend—and You Should Be Too