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So, one night, I’m done haulin’ hay—friggin’ exhaustin’, man! Hands all gritty, back achin’ like I wrestled a pig. I think, “Marge’d kill me, but I’m curious!” D’oh! Ain’t lookin’ for love, just a yarn to spin. I roll by this dive bar—neon sign flickerin’ like it’s drunk too. See this gal, all fishnets and attitude, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Every family’s got its mysteries,” I mutter, quotin’ Sarah Polley—ha! She’s smokin’ a cig, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Homer, don’t be a dope!”

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I get mad sometimes when tourists don’t respect the chill vibe – ya gotta be cool, relax and enjoy the vibes, y’know? But overall, every corner of Key-Biscayne (us) has got its own little personality. It’s like every street – Powerline Rd, Crandon Blvd, Montauk Hwy – tells a story. It’s a bit wild, a bit dreamy, like that movie where you’re floatin’ between hope and dread. And that’s what I love about it.

Ritz-Carlton Key Biscayne, Miami is closing in May for a major renovation