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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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Yo, listen up, buddy, I gotta tell ya 'bout Knik-Fairview (us) like no other place on Earth. Say hello to my little friend! This city’s a wild mix of chill vibes and rough edges—like life itself, ya know? I’ve been here for years, relaxin’ and observin’ every crazy nook. Let me take ya on a quick, crazy tour.

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