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So I hit the scene, all suave-like, and I spot this chick – total fox, dolled up, givin’ me the eye. I’m thinkin’, “Are you human, or are you dancer?” – straight outta the movie, baby! I sidle up, flash my pearly whites, and say, “Fancy a shag, luv?” She’s all cool, says, “50 quid, big boy.” I’m like, WHOA, 50 quid?! That’s steeper than a mod’s haircut! Made me mad as a wet hen – I ain’t no square, but that’s daylight robbery!

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The downtown area boasts the Lockport Historical Museum on Mill Street. I was there once, trying to sort out my own past while diving into the scandalous affairs of local lore. I cracked up at some of the old exhibits – like, wow, girlfriend, these folks had more drama than my Saturday nights. And leave it to Lockport to keep secrets locked away behind those historic brick walls.

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