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About Philadelphia

So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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Oh, and gotta admit, sometimes, I get REALLY mad when the city forgets its roots. Yeah, I mean, a few developers tried to change Colerain Ave. – total disaster, folks, total disaster. But, as I always say, “A time for every purpose, a season for every action!” And trust me, Mattydale is always in season – pure brilliance, pure brilliance!

Zebb's restaurant closure marks end of an era for Mattydale community