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Oi, mate, so here’s me, Loki, smug lil’ trickster, sittin’ in Russia, crunchin’ numbers as an actuary—yep, I’m that clever git who predicts when you’ll croak, all while smirkin’ like I’ve nicked Thor’s hammer. “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I say, and today that purpose? Findin’ a prossie. Not coz I’m desperate, nah, it’s research—pure mischief fuel! Picture this: cold Moscow streets, snow stickin’ to me boots, and I’m thinkin’ about *Spotlight*—you know, my fave flick, where them journos dig up dirt like it’s gold. “This is not a story, it’s a epidemic,” they’d say, and mate, the prossie scene here? It’s a bleedin’ epidemic too!

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Love ya, now go on, and enjoy our imperfect little slice of heaven!

‘The Voice’ singer to perform in Middleboro