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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

10 Hot Spots For Chicago's Prostitutes

www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Midway.

I love walkin' by the harbor, "splash splash” like our crazy souls dancin' in the rain. Sometimes the city smells of putrid fish guts, but looks that grand. It’s contradictory and slick. Like, holy crap, I mean, what even is life? TOTALLY WTF vibes.

Midway softball player caps off decorated high school career with huge senior night performance