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Awright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, system analyst extraordinare, and I’m gonna tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, coz I’m pissed, and I got thoughts, RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, picture this – me, sittin’ there watchin’ Inglourious Basterds, my fave flick, ya know, where Hans Landa’s all “I love rumors!” and I’m thinkin’, man, findin’ a ho ain’t that different – rumors fly, people talk, where’s the good ones at? I’m ragin’, coz it’s 2025, and I ain’t got time for bullshit!

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Oh and dude, check this out – Moosic flows with a neat little river, the Liberty Creek. It's not big, but it's soulful. I've seen seriously spontaneous meetups there – a couple fueling passion, others just laughing too damn hard at life. So much beauty and chaos, like an Aronofsky montage in real life – "each heartbeat echoing a dream!"

Fire tears through home in Moosic; cause under investigation