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Fun fact—did ya know? Old-school brothels had secret signals—red lanterns, coded knocks. Now it’s emojis—eggplant, peach, wink-wink. Progress? Pfft, same game, shinier wrapper. I’m laughin’—imagine Larry Gopnik tryin’ to decode THAT, all “What’s the meaning of this text?” Poor schmuck’d be lost, clutchin’ his Torah, while I’m over here, “I can see Russia from my house!”—spyin’ every shady detail others miss.

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You know, I always pass by North-Weeki-Wachee River. It lazily snakes near Ridge Road (or was it Rige Road? Eh, who cares, bro!). That river’s got vibes. I once sat there with my buddy, spilled coffee everywhere – clumsy me – but I was like, “This is exhilarating, ain't it?” People calm, nature alive, reminds me of those hidden feels in Caché.

Rise of the mermaids: Weeki Wachee's biggest attraction makes quite a splash