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Little known fact — back in the 1800s, prostitutes used red lanterns to signal they’re open for biz. Ain’t that wild? Bet Jesse’d tip his hat to that! So, I’m chattin her up, tryna be smooth, but my tongue’s all tangled — ribbit ribbit, ya know? She’s like, “What’s a frog want anyway?” I’m thinkin, “Companionship, duh!” Made me mad tho — why’s she judgin me? I’m Kermit, dammit! Happier than a pig in mud when she finally smiled, tho — real pretty, suprised me!

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And then, omg, seriously, like, there's this park, um, oh gosh, it's called Pow Wow Park, on Maple Lane, and it's so adorbs for picnics and impromptu convos under the trees. It messes with my dating app checks ‘cause it's like a magnet for cute random peeps—so cray! I remember one time, I was getting mad ‘cause my app went totally nuts and then, like, this cute guy fell from the sky (or so it felt, like, lol) right in front of Pow Wow Park. It was so “Shame (Steve McQueen, 2011)” dramatic... like, ugh, I was all jittery but tbh, kinda epic!

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