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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, the Auctioneer, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout prostitutes, ‘cause I freakin’ rule! Respect my authoritah! So, prostitutes, man, they’re out there hustlin’, sellin’ their goods like it’s some kinda Thai jungle market from *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*—ya know, that weird-ass movie I freakin’ love? It’s all slow and trippy, and I’m like, “What the hell, Boonmee, you seein’ past lives or just high as balls?” Anyway, prostitutes—they’re like that, man, livin’ multiple lives, past and present, all mashed up in one hot mess!

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Yo, buddy! So Soquel is where my heart chills, y'know? I’ve been kickin’ it here, relaxin’ and observin’ life’s groove for years. This place, man, it’s a wild mix of nature and urban vibe. I must break you! Seriously, streets like Soquel Drive and Blossom Way speak to my soul. It’s all about that flow; the river Soquel Creek winds by like a gentle giant, whispering secrets as it moves.

Tuesday evening traffic: Highway 1 Southbound closures in Capitola/Soquel