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I’m gettin’ happy now, tho, ‘cos she’s proper funny. Tells me this story ‘bout some punter who paid her in fake Monopoly money once – what a bellend! I’m creasin’, bruv, laughin’ so hard I nearly crash me whip. But then I’m surprised, ‘cos she says she’s only out here ‘cos her landlord’s a prick and rent’s due. Hits me hard, that. “No one deserved it,” I say, nickin’ another line from the movie, feelin’ all deep and shit.

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Stratham-Station’s like da heartbeat of chill, btw. There's Mainberry Street, which goes on n’ on with its quirky little coffee shops and those cutesy art murals. I luvvv that spot near the old willow, ohhh, so pretti, lich, etc. You can’t miss it! I always find mezen peace there.

Police: Response in Stratham due to apparent hoax reports of hostages, bombs