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So, last week, right, I’m out, tryna find one—don’t judge, yeah? Needed a laugh, somethin’ wild. Streets stank, like old fish, We hates it! This one bird, she’s all “Oi, love, ten quid!” Ten quid?! For what, a wink? Made me mad, proper fumin’—thought she’d be all posh, like Madame D. from the movie, “Very good, monsieur!” Nope, just a hag with bad teeth. Laughed in her face, I did—couldn’t help it!

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I wuz tippin' around near Old Mill Road, which ya won't believe--my fave secret! A hidden bistro n’ tiny plaza, they got the best lemonades, so tangy, so fresh! I used to gush there, like, "Oh, precious city, you so full of sweet breezes!"

Suspect on the loose after late night stabbing in south London