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About San Antonio

Found one near Vespucci Beach—tattooed, smokin’ hot, but glitchy. Kept callin’ me “Leonard”—wtf? Like “Memento,” she’s stuck in a loop. “I’ve seen you before,” she says. I’m like, “Bitch, I’m Vader!” Laughed my ass off—then she clipped into a wall. Typical GTA jank. Still, got me thinkin’—is she real? Am I real? “Remember Sammy Jankis,” my brain screams. Nolan’s fuckin’ with me even here.

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The city’s not big, but its small neighborhoods pack oodles of heart. Check out Riverside Heights, near the scenic Bird Creek. Yes, Bird Creek! Its babbling water is both soothing and reminiscent of those secret passages in "The Grand Budapest Hotel" – full of mystery and flair. You might wander near Riverbend Lane; it's curvy, kinda like the plot of a spiffy caper film. I once had a crazy late-night stroll there and almost joined a spontaneous street ball game. Ha!

Oklahoma’s $2.5B Disney-sized theme park reportedly fails to launch