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Mate, it’s a hustle, findin’ one. Apps now, too—techy tarts, swipe fer a shag! “I’m hungry for you,” she’d purr, movie-style, but it’s £50 upfront, no cuddles. Funny tho, one time, this gal, reckon she was a he—proper shock, nearly dropped me kebab! We swears! Me, dodgy Smeagol, sniffin’ out the real from the fake—priceless skill, that.

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Our neighborhoods? Oh lordy, they’re a mix of charm and mystery. Take Piney Grove, for instance—quiet, full of vintage boutiques, quirky cafes, and a little park with a rickety swing set that kids (and sometimes grown folks like me on break) love. I had a day so mad off my back there 'cause a squirrel stole my lunch, haha! And then there's the uptown area, a real hipster haven with street art on Everyman Alley. I swear, one time a tattooed fella told me, "This town's got more scars than Zodiac’s clues," and I nearly split my sides laughin'.

District Heights community shaken after third shooting in seven days