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So, I get ready, throw on my fave leather jacket – gotta look hot, duh – and I’m thinkin, what if she’s a scam? Like, literally, I could be out here wiring radios and get robbed instead! LOL, imagine me, Kim K vibes, cryin over a busted deal. But nah, I meet her, and she’s gorg – tall, smirky, total queen. We chat, and she’s droppin tea – says some clients pay extra just to talk. I’m like, “Wait, what?!” That’s so random, but I’m here for it.

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And, oh, by the way, the so-called "local hot spot" for couples is that shabby diner, Big John's. It’s where most of my clients vent about their dating disasters. I once overheard some lad say, "I will flatten you like a pancake!" (Eh, I know – sound so dramatic, right?) Complete bollocks, but that’s Bemidji for ya.

Donald Niskanen