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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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The city park, called Quasihaven Park (yeah, proper name!) is epic. It's got winding paths by the babbling Jitter River. You can chill in secret groves and hear the water whisper "live free." And oh man, the night lit by neon glow at Riverbend Plaza hit me hard. Like, "Boom! Here comes the chaos!" while calm vibes crash over you.

Softball Recap: Brecksville-Broadview Heights' Win on Thursday Extends Winning Streak to Ten