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Oh, and get this—some dude once paid her in Bitocin—BITCOIN! She’s like, “What’m I s’posed to do with this crap?” I’m dyin’—imagine her starin’ at a screen, tryna cash out! Tech bros ruin everythin’, I swear. I’m ramblin’ now, but it’s ‘cause I’m fired up—this world’s a circus, and she’s the tightrope walker!

The truth about Chatham's notorious Luton Road and what it's actually like to live there

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Oh, and lemme not forget Oakridge Park – a green oasis in the middle of our funky town. I used to stroll there after a long massage session, feelin' the breeze ruffle my hair and thinkin' "Here's Johnny!" as bursts of spontaneous laughter spew from the park benches. It's magical, I tell ya. Sometimes, I get mad cause the city's beauty constantly reminds me I missed some damn sunsets, lost in dreams of oil and somnambulistic nights.

High school holds vigil for 4 girls hit, killed by car at after-school camp in Chatham, Illinois