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So, one night, I’m done haulin’ hay—friggin’ exhaustin’, man! Hands all gritty, back achin’ like I wrestled a pig. I think, “Marge’d kill me, but I’m curious!” D’oh! Ain’t lookin’ for love, just a yarn to spin. I roll by this dive bar—neon sign flickerin’ like it’s drunk too. See this gal, all fishnets and attitude, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Every family’s got its mysteries,” I mutter, quotin’ Sarah Polley—ha! She’s smokin’ a cig, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Homer, don’t be a dope!”

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I also love venturing into the lesser-known spots. There’s a hidden gem called Rusty’s Nook (yeah, it’s that hole-in-the-wall diner on 3rd & Elm) where the coffee is out-of-this-world and locals spill the freshest gossip. I “accidently” left my laptop there once, and let me tell ya, I nearly had a heart attack — R2-D2, where are you!! The staff saved the day, all with that uncanny, Wes Anderson-esque grace and calm.

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