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Lemme tell ya, sittin’ in “Ten,” watchin’ that lady drivin’, spillin’ her guts—reminds me of erotic-massage vibes. “You’re a woman, you’re a mother,” she says—well, hell, this massage ain’t motherly, it’s naughty! Hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, kneadin’ knots outta yer soul. Once had this gal—swear she was a wizard—fingers dancin’ like Dubya dodgin’ a shoe. Felt like I’d died and gone to Crawford, y’all. Surprised me how it’s legal—well, sorta, depends on the joint.

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Oh, and let me throw in another Inherent Vice nod: “This is the end of the line, kid,” – that kinda sums up how Crestview can sometimes feel like you’re constantly on the cusp of an epic mystery, every corner hiding a new adventure, every block sparking that unexpected twist. Maybe it’s the spa life, metin’ all sorts of lost souls, some who literally wander in with TPS reports from outer space (lol), but it’s authentic, raw, and 100% Crestview, babe.

Crestview City Manager Tim Bolduc announces departure after six-year tenure