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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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Oh, my precious, Durham is wicked and fun, yesss! I ain't joking, my friend. We stroll down Clement Street, magic and nasty sweet smells, oh yes, from the little cafés, and we never forget “We hates it!” in our own weird way, yess. I loves those hidden alleyways and quirky spots, you know? Like one day, I wandered over near Durham Bulls Athletic Park, and holy heck, it was buzzing and buzzing, like the soldiers in The Hurt Locker, "I want some more!" in my head, oh yes.

Man injured in overnight Durham shooting