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So, check it—I knew this chick, Candy, real street queen. She’d strut, heels clackin, like she owned the block. Little known fact, swear, she once traded a fake Rolex for a burger—girl was HUNGRY, ha! Made me laugh, but damn, also mad respect. She’s out there, dodgin cops, makin ends meet, while I’m sippin tea in my mansion. “You get a car!” I’d yell, but Candy’d just flip me off—sassy as hell.

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Now, move a little left to the quirky neighborhood of Southport. Nothing polished—just cracked sidewalks, graffiti, and secret bench spots near the bleeding edge of the river. The Elfer River cuts through like a venomous snake. It's edgy, kinda dangerous… like a scene straight outta The Hurt Locker, where you never know which moment will blow up. "I say Jack, you gotta take the leap."—or somethin' like that, right?

David Otto Elfers | Obituaries