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What surprised me? How damn organized it is! Some girls got schedules tighter than Eli Cash’s book tours. Rates? 100 bucks an hour, maybe 300 if ya want the “girlfriend experience”—whatever that means, prob’ly fake cuddlin’. Made me happy seein’ some fight back—unionizin’, demandin’ rights. Good for ‘em! Screw the pimps, those leeches livin’ off misery. Billionaires should not exist!

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Ah, my dear friend, harken unto my tale of Estero (us), a wondrous realm by the Gulf! Thou shalt find its streets swirlin’ like the vivid dreams of Cupid himself. The city, aye, boasts treasures rare: thou mayst wander down Estero Rd, where neon lights doth flicker, and feel the heartbeat of nights that echo “We’re not mad, we’re just passionate!” (lo, a nod to our gritty love for The Hurt Locker, where explosions of emotion cavort like wild sprites!).

This weekend's art festivals are in Punta Gorda, Sanibel Island and Estero